What if We Choose Our Level of “Busy?”
About a year after I started my private practice a friend checked in and asked, "are you staying busy?". Interestingly, later in the day during a transaction, a banker asked me the exact same question. Both questions of course were coming from a good intention and I assume a wish for my business to be successful and lucrative (I am all in for that!). In both cases I gave a long pause before answering.
As a person and professional I am used to, accustomed to, and dare I say at times addicted to being very busy. Those of you who know, know that a need to or really the unconscious habit of staying busy releases hormones and chemicals that we become addicted to experiencing, even if they are not in our best and most healthy interest. Yes, it’s science and there are ways to change this. Over the years, I was so "BUSY" that it took a significant toll on my health and well-being. This is true for many of my friends, family, and clients. As you may relate, I was successful, productive, even "crushing it" as a professional, a mom, with my fitness and nutrition goals, keeping all the things clean and organized, maintaining and growing relationships, being a high-achiever, BUT also deeply, mostly secretly, physically exhausted and what I call “soul or ‘bone’ tired.” And I had decent boundaries, nutrition, supportive family and friends, and leadership development work I love.
I grew weary and just plain sick (figuratively and literally) of being BUSY.
It’s a level of tiredness we learn to navigate our days in spite of. We manage through a beyond the physical and into the realm of exhausted mentally, emotionally, maybe spiritually, a deep, bone-tiredness. It’s the kind of tired we know is deep because even if we get a good night’s sleep (the 7-8 hours kind) and then repeat that good sleep the next night, we’re still tired. It’s unexplainable, right? We ate (well?), worked out, did some perfunctory self-care activity, spent time with family or friends, slept but we are still weirdly tired. I got curious. Was it just me? Really ... was it!? Over a year period I intentionally focused on how often the answer to “how are you doing” was "busy," or its impressive friend, "crazy busy." Responses quickly got in the high 100's!
I decided to follow that up with, "Is it a 'good' busy?" or "Is it a healthy or desired amount of busy?"
Not once was the person able to answer that it was in fact a good-for-them busy. Often, I would hear, "It's way too busy, I'm just exhausted. I need to find balance.” Most would say something to the effect of “But…what are you going to do!?” Awkward smile, end of conversation. Occasionally I would hear, "Well it beats the alternative" or "I guess I'd rather be busy than not." All half-truths and half excuses since many wear busy as a measure of success.
So, I started to think... are those our best choices? We are so "too busy" that it takes a big fat toll on us, OR so "not busy" we're bored or stagnant? No thank you, I will choose Door #3!
I know there is grey space between the choices. I love grey space! My work and world dance in grey space! But, in my years consulting and coaching with 100’s of leaders and teams, I don't see a lot of gray space in companies and people's lives. My clients don't describe grey space or options in between, they simply come to me exhausted, feeling out of balance, yet pretty successful or at least productive within their crazy busy. At what cost?
After illnesses, injuries and a toll on my mental health I decided "be the change…" and role model building a productive, joyful, replenishing life where my response has nothing to do with "busy" as a barometer.
I choose every day to create a life (it takes intention and practices for sure!) that makes my response to how I am doing be, “I am well and feeling balanced and able to focus on the activities and people that really matter to me.” To my friend I answered, "No, I am not busy.” And I'm happy to say that is true. I do have work and many things and people to attend to, but I also have time to reflect and I am more rested than I've been in YEARS. And this resonated with my dear friend though I know she is very, not so desirably busy.
Every day we make choices about how we respond to requests, how we let the tail wag the dog or take charge of our days, priorities, short and long-term goals, our health and especially our energy management. I know and teach methods that help simplify all the above and put us in a true leadership position of our own life, boundaries, energy and activities in and out, and our Well-Being. Busy isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the question is, does your “busy” bring you the quality of life, relationships, balance, and health you desire?
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